A downward spiral... (on my way back up)

I'm just going to be straight up. I got in a fight with my mom the last day I was home with Jeremy. It led to a lot of crying, and then when I was alone... binging. I'm not going to bother bitching about how mean my mommy has been to me my whole life, I'm just going to move on and get back to being healthier. Just because she treats me with no respect, doesn't mean I have to lose all respect for myself, too. I deserve to eat well and be healthy. So, that's what I'm going to do.

I'm so ready for school to start back up and give me a routine again. This weekend is the last trip I'll have, though, then Jeremy is moving up here as soon as we get back. I haven't been to the beach in over 3 years, so I'm reeeeally excited! Admittedly more excited about him moving, though. 8D

Also, while I was gone, I got another blog award. (:

Thanks so much to Emily @ Fat Girl to Thin for giving this to me!

Now, on to seven more things about me. This is getting hard...

1) I'm a junior at UNC-Asheville. I'm majoring in Psychology to eventually become a rehabilitation psychologist. I'm really passionate about this, too, because my cousin (he's a year younger than me and we'd become best friends in the years before this happened) spent 10 months of his life in rehab.

2) I've been dying my hair the darkest shade of brown (basically black) for almost 5 years now. I'll go red for a few months, but I always go back to black. (:

3) I have told two people in my life about this blog. I haven't let them see it, and they both live far away from me. Jeremy doesn't know I have it, nobody else knows. I think it's just something I want to have for me.

4) I work at K-Mart! hahaha Which, I regularly refer to as "K-Fart." I work on the floor, straightening clothes and whatnot. It gets old, things get on my nerves, but it's not the worst job I've ever had.

5) I've never had a tan! I have millions of freckles and I've been burned to many times to count... but, it's never resulted in a tan.

6) I was a virgin until I started dating Jeremy last year. This may seem weird to put on here, but it's rare to find a 19 year old virgin nowadays. He's the only person I've ever felt comfortable enough around to even let touch my stomach -- much less see it in all it's stretch marked glory.

7) I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET INTO THE 180s!!! I know I've probably pushed myself back into the high 190s, what with drying my tears with cheeseburgers for a couple days... but, I haven't been in the 180s since middle school. And that was short lived. So, I'm ready.

I feel like I might have already told you guys about some of those things, but I honestly can't remember. Here are 15 blogs that I'll pass this on to...

1) Drazil @ It's Just Me, Drazil, and Sheniqua

2) Kat @ Secrets to Losing

3) Kenz @ All the Weigh

4) Alexia @ my wicked, wicked ways

5) Fatty Blogsticks @ Fatty Blogsticks

6) Kelly-Marie @ love, life, laughter

7) Jenn @ Ex Hot Girl

8) Jen @ Suck It Up Buttercup!

9) Amy @ My journey to a size 6...

10) Taylor @ Tay's Life

11) Skinny Me! @ SKINNY ME!!!!!......Coming Soon :P

12) Maggie @ Looking For My Feet

13) Erin @ Glame, Glitz & Gut

14) Amber @ 120 by 20

15) Emily @ Athlete-In-Training

I'll end this with a picture from the weekend. (:

A lot of waiting...

All I've done today is wait, it seems. Not that it really bothered me, I eventually got my check and I eventually got my fresh pack of birth control. Then I got in a good workout, and now I'm eating a good lunch. I just feel like I've lost a big chunk of my day. It's after 2, and I still need to finish eating, shower, pack, and get ready for work at 5. No biggie... just not much down time for me today. As soon as I get off work, I'm headin' down the mountain to my boy's house. His dad's wedding is tomorrow, so it's gonna be a fun, busy weekend. Jeremy's the best man! So, expect pictures. (: I probably won't update til I get back... but I'm going home armed with my Nalgene bottle, so even if I have to sacrifice some good eating... I'll at least get in a lot of water. Of course, I'm determined to make the best choices I can and come back without gaining -- and hopefully losing a little!

Okay, so... admittedly, I was having a really bad night last night with my self esteem. And Jeremy was being a sweet angel to me. I'm so glad I have him in this battle, and I can't wait til he moves up here. 12 more days!!

"Babe, you're beautiful in every single way. I wish you could see that." ♥

eat it!

11:00 AM: Biggest Loser protein powder in skim milk

2:00 PM: tuna with a slice of cheddar cheese and some dijon on a sandwich round, snack pack of carrots with a 100 cal pack of light ranch veggie dip, a handful of veggie crisps

3:05 PM: yoplait light

4:30 PM: Smart Ones chicken and broccoli pasta

drink it! [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

move it!

15 minutes strength training

30 minutes, 4.95 miles on the exercise bike

First Hungry Girl recipe!

I just finished eating the yumtastic breakfast burrito from my Hungry Girl cookbook. And it was pretty yumtastic! And, I'm full. It probably won't keep me full for 5 hours like the oats I ate yesterday did -- how do they do that!? But, that's fine with me. I think I'm going to try to make at least 3 or 4 recipes from that book a week. It's fun and super easy. (:

I'm reading Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda, who blogs at pastaqueen.com! I'm sure most of you have already seen her site, but if you haven't... click the link and check it out. She's hilarious and she has these crazy cool 3D progress pictures. I started reading it on the elliptical yesterday, because I have no idea where my headphones are. Love it so far. (:

No, this is not my dog... but I wish it was. And no, I don't think Jeremy was too happy to be in this "family photo." I WANT AN ENGLISH BULLDOG!!!

eat it!

9:00 AM: HG's yumtastic breakfast burrito

12:00 PM: snack pack of carrots with a 100 calorie pack of light ranch veggie dip, lean cuisine pepperoni pizza

4:40 PM: all natural fruit strip

5:45 PM: 6" Subway Melt on 9 grain honey oat, chippies, diet coke

7:00 PM: Dove dark chocolate bar ♥

9:00 PM: cherries!! These little gems are quickly becoming an addiction.

9:55 PM: peas and corn... why am I so insatiable today!?

drink it! [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] +4!

move it!

30 minutes, 2.13 miles on the elliptical

My first try at oats!

YUM! I made some plain oats this morning and put some cinnamon, truvia, and natural peanut butter in it. I'm definitely going to have to keep experimenting to get the consistency right, but it's tasty! I can't wait to try out some of ya'll's crazy oat concoctions. haha (:

I weighed in at 196.1 today, and I want to keep seeing those lower numbers. I'm going to a wedding Saturday and I'll be with my boyfriend all weekend. Does this mean I need to just let go? NO! He knows all about my weight loss. It's not like I have to hide around him to seem "normal." I'm going to come back from home with a loss this time, I promise.

I'm thinking about making several chicken breasts and then freezing them today, so that I have easy meals later. I know a lot of people do it, and I think it'd really help me out. Any tips?

PEWC is going well -- got in my 8 cups yesterday, but I started late... so I'm hoping for even more than that today! Hope everybody is doing well!

Jeremy and I played with sparklers on my birthday... Pretty cool, huh? (:

eat it!

10:30 AM: about 3/4 of a ruby red grapefruit, 1/2 cup of oats with cinnamon, truvia, and natural peanut butter

3:00 PM: chicken breast, cheddar, dijon on a sandwich round, snack pack of carrots with a 100 calorie pack of light ranch, arizona green tea with ginseng and honey

7:00 PM: 80 calorie soup at hand, bagel flat with reduced fat cream cheese, cherries

10:40 PM: chocolate rice cake with natural peanut butter, skim milk

drink it! [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] +3!

move it!

15 minutes strength training

30 minutes, 2.03 miles on the elliptical

Another award! And a challenge!

Dove @ light.dove nominated me for this award:

Thanks, Dove!! (: And, here are 5 Likes/Dislikes of mine:

Likes!

1) Affection -- I love to give gifts, make gifts, give hugs and kisses, all that. I'm definitely a lover. I can hardly keep my hands off Jeremy. (:

2) Alone time -- I love spending time with my friends, but I also really enjoy shopping and doing errands by myself. It's peaceful!

3) Books -- They take me to a different place, ya know? They can also hit home in a way that nothing else can and teach me things I didn't expect to learn. I love them.

4) Movies -- I'm always in the mood for a good thriller/horror movie, but any kind is great! Especially in a movie theater. Something about it just makes my night!

5) Dark chocolate -- A notsoguilty pleasure of mine. Mmm!

Dislikes.

1) Ignorance -- Whether it's racism, sexism, gay bashing, whatever. I can not stand it. I live in the South and, I have to admit, there are more ignorant people than I'd like to deal with. It's hard for me to imagine having such a closed mind, and it really gets to me to say the least.

2) BUGS -- Ewww, they make me shudder!

3) Traffic -- Can't stand it! Maybe it's because I was in a bad wreck and all the other drivers make me nervous, but it puts me on edge.

4) Weird textures -- Mostly with food, I can't stand weird textures. haha Like mushrooms! Blech.

5) Losing things -- I definitely do this too much. I once lost two packs of birth control in a row. WHO DOES THAT!? How does that even happen!? Most of the time whatever I lost shows back up, but sometimes it doesn't. And it drives me crazy.

Next topic of discussion: I'm starting the PEWC -- The Positive Effect Water Challenge. (:

So, here's to guzzling as much water as I can stand! I can't wait to see how much better it makes me feel.

eat it!

11:00 AM: 2 fat free Nutrigrain waffles with sugar free syrup, yoplait light

1:15 PM: Fit & Active vegetable beef soup, sandwich thin with fat free cheddar, all natural fruit strip

2:40 PM: 1/2 baked potato with cheddar

6:00 PM: turkey rustica sandwich, baked chips, pickle spear

drink it! [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

A quote, some much needed realizations, and tons of pictures!

"Weight loss isn't about willpower or motivation; it's just the cumulative effect of tiny actions over time. Putting down the chocolate bars, putting on the running shoes. You just have to keep picking yourself up when you fall, over and over again, for however long it takes."

-the amazing adventures of dietgirl

I've been maintaining around 197 for the past month... or two. It's also been a crazy wonderful summer. I've had my first summer class, Jeremy's birthday, my birthday, a trip to Atlanta... and I'm looking forward to a wedding this weekend, the beach the next, Jeremy moving up early, and then the Zac Brown Band concert!

I didn't want worry about my weight to get in the way of enjoying all these things, so I've only been mildly aware of my body and what I've been putting into it for the past coupla months. But, what I need to realize is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can enjoy these special occasions without completely falling off the wagon. And I also realize that it's good that I haven't GAINED and that just because I haven't been super healthy... doesn't mean I've undone all the good progress I've made in prior months.

I need to find a balance, because this whole summer it's been letting everything go and by the time I'm back on track... I'm letting everything go again for some other trip. This has got to stop -- it's a lifestyle change that I need to make work no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I allow myself everything in moderation, so why do I feel the need to eat all the great food in front of me like I'll never get to taste it ever again? I've never been good at balance, but here's to making more of an effort to not freak out the next month with all the exciting things I'm going to have going on.

On a lighter note... Pictures? Oh yeah. (:

Panorama from the top of a parking deck. Click the pictures to see the bigger, better versions! (:

This is the background on my computer now. So pretty!

Jellyfish are fascinating, terrifying creatures to me.

My favorite of us from the trip, squinty eyes and all. ♥

Sweet colory thing in the aquarium. haha 8)

THE CUTEST FISH EVERRR!

Big shark!

So many people there to see all the fishies.

Beautiful shot. (:

Sea dragon!

Us at the Hard Rock Cafe (:

My favorite player! I don't know if any of you saw the Braves game on the 15th, but he ran face first into the wall and got right back up and finished the game!

Awesome panorama of the field from our awesome seats!

Not zoomed in. Nope, we were in the first row!

Two pretty cute Braves fans. (:

The 29 Healthiest Foods on the Planet

I think I'm going to try to eat through the list of The 29 Healthiest Foods on the Planet. Numero dos is avocados:

"The Power: Oleic acid, an unsaturated fat that helps lower overall cholesterol and raise levels of HDL, plus a good dose of fiber. One slice has 81 calories, 8 grams of fat and 3 grams of fiber. Try a few slices instead of mayonnaise to dress up your next burger."

I think I'm just going to put some on a turkey sandwich and see how I like it. I know that I love when restaurants put avocado on sandwiches, but who knows what else they add to that deliciously creamy spread. Depending on how that goes, I'll look up some other recipes to share!

eat it!

10:00 AM: 2 low fat Nutrigrain waffles with ICBINB, cinnamon, and sugar free syrup, 1/4 banana

12:30 PM: 1/2 a flatout with turkey, fat free cheddar, dijon, and... avocado! [which I've decided needs some additional flavor, so tomorrow I will find a recipe and whip it up] a handful of croutons, grapes, cherries

4:30 PM: 1/2 caesar salad, 1/2 smokey pepper jack turkey sandwich

drink it!

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